In last week's episode, we shared some tips for speaking about difficult topics like SEX and MONEY. This week, we're sharing some tips for how to listen and understand when your spouse does bring something up.

 

Here's the link to our upcoming live VIRTUAL MARRIAGE RETREAT: https://event.webinarjam.com/register/1/n6075a7 

 

Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks that we created for you and your spouse:

Sex and Money - two topics of conversation that often get you to shut down or heat up (maybe in more ways than one?).

If you're going to bring up a conversation that you think could cause some more-than-normal tension, trigger unpacked emotions, or even some pain, it's important to let your spouse know that you're going to throw the ball. If you don't give them the heads-up, you might hit them in the back of the head, causing further negative emotion, pain, and tension around the topic next time it gets brought up.⁠

Here are some ways to give your spouse a heads-up:⁠

  • "Babe, I need to unpack a pretty big conversation box with you that has to with our sex life. I want to make sure we're both in a good mental space for it. Would tomorrow during the kids' nap time be a good time for us to discuss a few needs that we both have about our intimacy?"⁠
  • "I know we both want to win with money and we each have some ideas to put on the table for how to best do that. Do you think we could both do some research between now and Saturday on retirement investment options and then we could work toward a decision together on Saturday after breakfast?"⁠
  • "Babe, I have an important need to share with you about our spending. Is now a good time to chat?"⁠
  • "Hey Babe - when in the next week or so would be a good time for us to have a check-in about how often we have sex? I know today's probably not the best day and I'd like for us both to have time to think about it before we check-in."⁠

P.S. If you call your spouse something other than Babe, that works too. 😆 More about these conversation stems in today's episode.

 

Here is the link to our upcoming LIVE virtual marriage retreat: https://event.webinarjam.com/register/1/n6075a7 

 

Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks we talk about in the episode:

 

Whether you think you're married to someone from a different culture than your own or not, this podcast is for you!

The truth is, we all come from different family cultures, and when we marry someone, we're faced with many challenges of adopting, adapting, or dismissing various family traditions and norms that we bring into the marriage.

In today's episode, Jonathan and Tiffany Bonilla, youth pastors in Florida, share their experience marrying into a culture different than their own. They discuss language barriers, familial expectations, spiritual alignment, and more. 

Jonathan and Tiffany recommended:

You can find Tiffany and Jonathan on IG: @tiffboni + @jonboni_
 
Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks we talk about in the episode:

"Looks actually do matter," says Pastor Myron Wideman Jr., in reference to looking for a potential spouse. Myron is Karissa's former student in the Bachelor of Science in Human Development Program at Wilson University and he earned a concentration in Counseling. He's also the Associate Pastor at Dekalb UPC in Stone Moutain, GA (Metro Atlanta Area). In this episode, we discuss:

  • Biblical Perspective of Physical Attraction
  • Keeping up with Your Physical Appearance while Married
  • Ways to Support Your Spouse's Eating/Exercise Goals
  • Sex vs. Intimacy
  • Scheduling Sex
  • Coming to Bed Intentionally

Myron Wideman Jr. recommended:

You can find Myron Wideman on IG: @myronwidemanjr
 
Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks we talk about in the episode:

This is our third "ASK" episode! Every now and then, we'll take a few of your questions and answer them here in a short 10-15 minute episode. Many of you asked questions about keeping your marriage alive while parenting, so we decided to share some reflections on these topics:

  • What is the best way that you have found to stay intimately connected when you have kids?
  • Did you have any systems that you put in place once you had children to make sure you stayed connected?
  • What was the biggest adjustment for your marriage after you had your first child?
  • As a stay-at-home mom with a 20-month-old, how do I get out of feeling like my life is a re-run?

If you're looking for ways to connect with your spouse while quarantined, check out these marriage card decks that we created just for you:

Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com

Studies show that how often you argue actually doesn't matter when it comes to your satisfaction in the marriage; how those arguments are handled, however, will definitely be a determining factor in predicting not only satisfaction, but divorce rates and other important dynamics in your marriage.

So how do we argue well? Today on the podcast, Matthew and Sabrina Schlesinger share five rules for arguing effectively:

  1. Seek first to understand.
  2. Call a grown-up time-out.
  3. Don't go to bed angry.
  4. Respect their process.
  5. Become a safe place.

One of our favorite things that Matthew and Sabrina said during this episode was, "Have a good customer service desk for your spouse." You may not always agree, but seek to understand. This will definitely result in a much happier customer.

Matthew + Sabrina gave a couple of book recommendations:

You can contact Matthew and Sabrina at www.mommentor.org or hello@mommentor.org (or on IG: @sabrinaschlesinger). Their two podcasts are "Marriage on the Go" and "Parenting on the Go"
 
Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks we talk about in the episode:

So little clarity and so much unrest... Such a perfect time to release an episode on grief that is desperately needed in this moment of folks grieving various forms of loss.

We interviewed Dr. Chelsea Hall before the globe was in the state of pandemic, but in this episode, you'll see that so much of what Dr. Hall discusses about grief can be applied to what we are all feeling in this season. Whether you recently had unexpected news about the health of a loved one, whether you recently lost a loved one, or whether you are grieving the loss of normalcy in your life, job, and relationships, this episode is for YOU.

Dr. Hall gave several book recommendations:

 
You can contact Dr. Hall at (510) 512-2353 or christiancounselinghall@gmail.com (or on IG: @carpe_veritas)
 
Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com
 
P.S. Here are the links to the marriage card decks we talk about in the episode:

This is our very first "ASK" episode! Every now and then, we'll take a few of your questions and answer them here in a short 10-15 minute episode. These three questions were asked quite a few times this past month, so we decided to share some reflections on these topics:

  • How did you know your marriage was ready for a baby?
  • Any advice for the first night?
  • How do I get my spouse to go to counseling?

If you're looking for ways to connect with your spouse while quarantined, check out these marriage card decks that we created just for you:

Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com

In this moment, I will choose to “think on these things”.

 

In the midst of chaos – when I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and frustrated about these circumstances, I will choose to “think on these things”.

 

Lord, when fear overwhelms me, I will let go of the “what-ifs”, meditate on your precepts, consider your ways (Ps. 119:15), and “think on these things”.

 

TRUE

First and foremost, I choose to think about what is true.

God, YOU are truth (John 14:6). In your Word, the ultimate truth (John 17:17), you said that I have been given a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7), I’ve been given wisdom (Eph. 1:8), and I’ve been given power over the enemy (Luke 10:19).

 

When worries about tomorrow arise, I choose to dismiss them. I will not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself (Mat 6:34). But God – YOU are my refuge and strength – an ever-present help in trouble (Ps. 46:1). You didn’t say you would be my help for the un-truths I’ve dreamt up about the future, but you said you would be my present help for today - for the reality of the trouble that exists today. So Lord, I will lean on you and trust you today. This is truth.

 

NOBLE

Next, I choose to think about what is “noble”.

Your throne is noble, and I acknowledge that you are the only one seated on the throne (Rev. 4:2) – the one true living God. When I feel controlled by the obsessions of the world or things that have stepped onto the throne in my mind, I recognize that this has happened, and I envision you on your throne. Right now, I enter that throne room and sit at your feet. There is safety here and I sit, breathe, and just be in your presence. I want to be closer than close to you.

 

Like David, I will meditate on your commandments, which I love and cherish. (Ps. 119:48).

 

When fear of persecution overwhelms me, I will think about the most noble thing you did – humbling yourself, robing yourself in flesh, and taking on the form of a servant (Phil 2:7) … for me. This is grace. This is truth. This is love. You are love. I chose to think about your nobility today.

 

JUST

Next, I chose to think about what is “just” – what is “right”. Your justice is like a river, your righteousness like a never-failing stream (Amos 5:24). When there is justice, it brings joy to the righteous (Prov. 21:15). Lord, let me be righteous, even in trying times – give me the wisdom to understand what is right (Prov. 28:5). And when I fail, I lean on your compassion. Your word says that you long to be gracious to me – that I will weep no more if I turn to your grace when I cry for help. I cry for help in this present moment. As soon as you hear, you will answer me (Is. 30:18-19). You are answering me. This is just.

 

PURE

Next, I chose to think about what is “pure”.

As I place my hope in you, I am able to become pure, because you are pure (1 Jn. 3:3). Your words are pure, like silver refined in a furnace (Ps. 12:6); gracious words are pure (Prov. 15:26), your commandment is pure and it enlightens my eyes (Ps. 19:8). Your wisdom is pure; it is gentle, reasonable, and overflowing with mercy and blessings (Ja. 3:17). Don’t let me be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to you (2 Cor. 11:3). Today, I strive for peace and holiness (Heb. 12:14), the pure water of your cleansing – let it flow over me. Let it flow through me. Let it flow from me. This is pure.

 

LOVELY

Next, I choose to think about what is “lovely”.

When bleak situations arise and I feel miserable, let me be reminded that my delight is in your law, and in your law I choose to meditate day and night (Ps. 1:2). As I choose to delight myself in your law right now, I will focus on the fruit that comes from my tree, planted by the rivers of water (Ps. 1:2) – even if I don’t see that fruit yet – you’ve promised it in my season – oh, what a season that will be!

 

As I sit here and meditate on your words, I am reminded of how lovely they are. They are sweet – sweeter than drops of honey to my lips (Ps. 119:103). This is lovely.

 

GOOD REPORT

Next, I choose to think about what is of “good report”. Lord, you know that lately, I hear report after report after report. And you know the worries I have because of these reports: worries about my health and the health of my loved ones, worries about the economy, worries about canceled events, worries about food, shelter, and supplies. Worries about being isolated and going stir-crazy.

 

But, Lord – I choose to focus on the good report. I choose to believe the report that says, you died and were buried, but you rose again to redeem these people – to redeem me. You didn’t stop there though – you sent us comfort – you poured out your spirit like a mighty, rushing wind (Acts 2:2) and I’ve received that same spirit. Because of this gift you’ve given to me, to my children, and to all that are afar off (Acts 2:39), I have a living hope (1 Pet. 1:3), I have an anchor to my soul (Heb 6:19), I have power to witness (Acts 1:8), I have faith as a grain of mustard seed (Luke 17:6), and I have peace (Romans 5:1). Wow. This is a good report.

 

VIRTUE

Next, I choose to think about what is virtuous. Your law is virtuous – oh, how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day (Ps. 119:97). Let it always be on my lips and let me meditate on it day and night. I choose not only to think about it, but to act upon it. This is your recipe for prosperity and success (Josh 1:8).

 

PRAISEWORTHY

Finally, I choose to think about what is “praiseworthy”.

If I’m sleepless in bed, I will spend the hours in grateful reflection (Ps. 63:6). Sometimes, I yearn for answers to the unknown or let my mind wander into thinking that you have forgotten me. I choose to remember the miracles you’ve done throughout history during these times – the miracles you’ve done in my life – the miracles you’re doing today – and sing praises to you for your mighty acts (Ps. 77:12). I am anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with a spirit of thanksgiving, I simply share my requests with you (Phil 4:6).

 

I cast my anxiety on you because you care for me (1 Pet. 5:7) – you care deeply for me. And you are big enough to hold it. This heavy weight that makes it hard for me to even function – in this moment, I reach over my head, I muster up the courage and strength to grab hold of it and I hand it to you – the God of the universe – the God that made every star, every grain of sand, and the God who made me. I choose to trust you.

 

As I allow you to renew me in the spirit of my mind (Eph 4:23), I feel transformed (Rom. 12:2).

 

I am encouraged. This is my confidence. This is my meditation. This is my hope.

 

I will think on these things.

This is an introduction and explanation to the next episode. We wanted to keep the next episode limited to just the track itself with no explanation, in case you wanted to use it as a sleep tool or prayer.

 

In times of uncertainty, it can be helpful to have tools to be able to combat the anxiety and fear that can arise. This is one of many tools that we'll be sharing with you in the coming weeks and it's called MEDITATION. Meditation is a very biblical concept.

 

Here, we talk about how the world has taken the word meditation from us as Christians.

  • Eastern meditation focuses on detachment. Christian meditation focuses on attachment.
  • Eastern meditation is passive. Christian meditation is active.
  • Eastern meditation focuses on union or oneness with God. Christian meditation focuses on communion with God.
  • Eastern meditation focuses on emptying yourself. Christian meditation focuses on filling yourself.

 

If worry has overwhelmed you or anxiety has taken control of your thoughts during the COVID-19 pandemic, we encourage you to listen to the next episode and meditation on the Lord (P.S. See if you can recognize all the scriptures in the meditation). :)

 

You can connect with us at: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com , e-mail us at hello@dearyoungmarriedcouple, or on IG @dearyoungmarriedcouple. 

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